January 2012
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“I always thought Steve Jobs looked like Lex Luthor.”
– Samuel
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“try to find a switch to elevate the temperature and see if you can cook an egg...”
– Otto
December 2011
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before 2011 is over, i want you all to give me honest, slutty, and ridiculous cheese burgers in my ask box
i’ll answer eat all of them honestly!
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I'm reading a pornstar's blog for kicks
-here’s this girl touchin’ my dick (“rubbin’ their faces on my penis”)
-here’s this girl that I fucked in the ass sucking a lot of dicks
-here’s this girl, we had sex OMG SHES TOUCHING MY DIIIICK
-and here’s this other girl we banged in my bathroom, she’s such a slut
-lol this is me in a Simpson’s hoodie
-i got to gangbang this girl...
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On October 19, 2009-
I apparently tweetpooped a photo of myself.
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(in regards to the pink acid washed jean jacket...
Zane: Wear it everyday! I can not wait.
Me: Hold on to ya shorts its gonna be a big one.... I don't even know what I'm saying anymore.
Zane: You Might need to try leaving the house? I find it very beneficial.
Me: Shhhhh.
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First Person Tetris →
Does anyone else find it funny that there is an Existential Crisis setting?
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“it’s the...”
– Friend’s Identity is Undisclosed at this Time
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“You don’t think you’re pretty enough yet? Yeah? Well, I think...”
– My grandmother talking to the cat.
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“If you were ugly I’d tell you.”
– Will
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fuckyeah
I just ripped my pants while I was spitting blood into the sink.
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My aunt thinks she is funny
Her: I said it was in your bed because you put it under your pillow for the tooth fairy.
Me: I am twenty two.
Her: You have no sense of humor.
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mouth full of blood
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my dad used to call me stinky wizzleteats
and now he doesn’t call me at all
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wear headphones:
1. Type in the #flickers tag in tumblr search 2. Scroll until you find at least three videos or audio posts of Flickers by Son Lux close enough together that you dont have to scroll in between any of them. 3. Load all three but DON’T PLAY THEM YET, KEEP THEM AT THE BEGINNINGS of the clips. 4. Okay now you can hit play on the first one- count off the organ pipes at the beginning- a split...
Anonymous asked: what should you do if you get sad every time you look at yourself in the mirror?
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The walls of my room are so inundated with memories, stains from tape peeled off of walls, marks from my hands searching for something in the night. It was here the I struggled and tried to forget and forgive so much. I tried to forget that you killed yourself, tried to forgive you for leaving me like that. It was here I tried to forget you, and that lying, deceitful, beautiful face of yours....
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I refer to tumblr as "tumblies" in conversation...
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imma-burr:
MC Squared. Chip FU // DEL the Funky...
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Me: *mummble mumble* Nnnno. Gedd oudda m'mouf.
Hair: But I love you. I want to be close to you. I WANT TO BE IN YOU.
Me: Nnnno. Gedd oudda hurr. *is half asleep*
Hair: Okay, I'm just going to wrap myself around your neck now. Your neck is so soft Riley...
Me: Would you cut that out? For the love of God, I need to breathe!
Hair: Breathing is for people with short hair.
Me: Hair, that's it. I'm getting you chopped off.
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batman undies
buzz lightyear glass filled with eggnog and rum
lotr on vhs
maplestory on ipod
yeah i’m single, why do you ask?
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“I don’t want to be a plumber either. They have to deal with poop.”
– Troy Barnes
Anonymous asked: Alright, then when can I take you on a date?
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“I’m going to do laundry. Does anyone even care?”
– My grandmother has a knack for saying things in the worst ways.
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I made a joke yesterday about candied ginger.
It was Voltaire’s favorite snack.
Candide ginger.
friend bails on baking date
forever a scone
Anonymous asked: Nice. Let's go on a date then. January 13th I'll meet you at 630pm outside of the place you work. Wear your nicest dress and red lipstick.
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Anonymous asked: I wouldn't be late to a date with you. Ever.
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Anonymous asked: You forgot assholes. Assholes start with 'A'. You should get an asshole tattooed on your asshole, ya asshole.